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The world is full of wonders these days. Everything’s shrinking and becoming more powerful. The phone in your pocket has more computing power in it than the Space Shuttle had, and that went into Space! You can speak to someone half way round the world, while looking up how to send them flowers, after you’ve ordered pizza for dinner that night.
And you can watch a Movie on it.
Yes, on that 3 and a bit inch by 2 inch screen you can watch a whole Hollywood Blockbuster feature film. But why on earth would you want to? It is like entering the Le Mans 24 hour race in a Smart Car! Movies are the pinnacle of the moving picture medium. Well, an awful lot of them are rubbish, but go with me on this. You’re on the train, about to watch, say, The King’s Speech. Award winning drama. You start it off as your train leaves the station, on your way home to your wife and family, hoping to a bit of time to relax. 10 minutes in, you’ve just worked out who Colin Firth is playing, and you remember you haven’t told the wife which train you’re on.
Pause. Quick text: “Usual train”. UnPause. Reply: “can you get some milk.xxx” Reply to that: “yes ok” Another reply: “bread too.XxxX”. “Yes Dear”. Unpause. “Thanks”. Ignore it now, wait for green message to disappear. Focus on the movie again.
The sun streams through the window as the train races south, the setting sun shines helpfully on your shiny screen. You try to angle it to stop the glare, but your eyes just see the after-image of the sun. “Ooooo, she must be the Queen Mother, and that little girl is our Queen! They’re a bit blurry – I really must see my Optician since everything’s blurry or too far away to see properly. And my eyes ache.”
Then, just as you’ve been booing the Archbishop of Canterbury, your station arrives, and you grab your stuff and jump off the train, realising just too late that you’ve donated another umbrella to the Lost Property Office.
Someone’s spent millions of dollars (or pounds, or euros, or yen), to produce this work of art: the least you could do is to do it justice, watch it on a big screen somewhere and do what you should do with your phone in these situations – text your friends to tell them all what a rubbish* film it is!
* not The King’s Speech – brilliant film, obviously